problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
