i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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