Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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