I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
