i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
