I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
