we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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