i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
