every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
