He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
