Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
