i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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