What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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