Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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