Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
