I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
