Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
