I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
