I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I intend to get homeless drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
