im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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