Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
