The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
