could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
