i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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