It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
