Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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