u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please don't give away my fajitas
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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