She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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