I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
