big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
