The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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