Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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