Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
