i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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