Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
