I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
