In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
