Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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