Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize