Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A bitchslap is in order.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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