Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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