saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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