i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
