she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
