He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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