i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
