There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
