Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
