Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
