I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk is a universal language darling
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