wakey wakey hands off snakey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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