Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
