I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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