Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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