i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
