oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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