the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
