Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
