wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
