Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
