you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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