I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my shit smells like andre
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
