I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
