you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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