You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
