Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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