wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
