bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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