Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
