ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
