I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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