Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
