Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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