i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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