best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
