I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
