So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
